It’s no secret that I’m not a fan of New Years resolutions, I’ve wrote about why here. In fact, I call the whole process The Trap of New Year’s Resolutions.
However, I read a social media post this week which suggested that we should all give up resolutions as we were already good enough. Any kind of goal setting was, in effect, beating ourselves up.
There is something quite freeing about this.
Simply by virtue of being human, we are enough. We are right where we are supposed to be. Amazing. ut, at the same time does it feel a little like giving up?
I find something quite stifling about it.
I want to progress. I LIKE to progress. And goals help me do that.
Is it possible to have progress without the negative connotation of goal setting?
I believe we can fully accept where we are whilst working on progression.
The difference is fear. When we come at wanting to change from a place of fear or obligation –
“I must get a promotion, else everyone will think I’ve stalled in my career”
– “I need to lose Xlbs, else people won’t find me attractive”
– “I have to have a clean home, else people will think I’m a slob”
– then it is often problematic. Do you see how all of these goals are either fear based or based on what others will think.
Change is hard enough as it is, but if we’re trying to achieve a goal because we are scared or think we ought to, the chances are we’ll feel miserable and likely fail.
Hasn’t everyone, at some time had a goal or resolution that has been born from the little voice inside their head which is whispering (or shouting) “you’re not good enough”.
It doesn’t see a productive starting point.
If we approach a goal from a place of exploration or desire, it can be a glorious thing.
The important thing is to make sure the goal is a meaningful one.
One you will feel good about when you achieve it, and not have that slight sinking feeling you get when an achievement is an anticlimax.
Three tools to help pursue your goals with freedom:
Start to treat a goal like an adventure – can you be less attached to the outcome and more focused on the journey.
Can you focus on having fun or curious. Set a goal to explore, play and learn, rather than purely to achieve.
Turn a goal into a habit – think of something you want to achieve which feels big and daunting. Instead of focusing on the big goal (the output) focus on the elements that make up that goal (the input. What can you do for 10 minutes each and every day that will take you towards your goal?
For example, if you want to write a novel rather than saying I must write 50 pages every day commit to yourself that you will write SOMETHING for at least 10 minutes everyday.
Create you habits based on how you want to feel. This is what we do as part of The Desire Mapping process and it is so valuable. You can read more about it here